No, YOU Take It Back!
by LoneWanderer204
Summary: Project Purity has sustained severe damage and has to be activated before it self destructs... but nobody wants to be a martyr, now, do they? The heroes and villains of the Capital Wasteland are left to argue over who completes this suicide mission!


Heavy footfalls echoed around the rotunda, or maybe that was just the terrorized pounding of two human hearts. Two bulky figures made their way up the rusted steel steps, a task made more difficult by the size and weight of power armor. One made it to the top and sprinted towards the control panel at the end of the platform as the other tripped over the last stair and fell face first to the deck floor.

"Gah, fuck!" said the blonde Sentinel Lyons as she rolled over and clutched at her face, which was spurting blood. The other figure punched the lights which whirred to life. The laser rifle fell from Lyons' grip and clattered across the floor, discharging a brilliant beam of red towards the stairs. The beam embedded itself into the yellowish skin of a bulging arm, a bulging arm that belonged to none other than Fawkes. Everybody's favorite "Super Mutant."

"HUMANS! WHERE?" yelled the oversized Oompa-Loompa as he spun on his heels to face the door. He unleashed a barrage of laser fire from his rapidly spinning Gatling Laser at the wall and screamed (or choked) with rage. Chunks of concrete and rebar rebounded across the room.

"Fawkes, Fawkes!" cried the Lone Wanderer as he shielded his faceshield with his unprotected hand. The mutant stopped firing and turned around, bewildered.

"It's okay, Lyons dropped her gun." He stood back up and looked tentatively at the trigger happy monster.

"Oh, well, I thought… ah… well, you know, never send a woman to do a man's job., they say." he said as he turned his beady eyes to the ground and shuffled his feet.

"Puke-faced monster asshole." Lyons muttered as she grabbed her weapon and stood up, still trying to stem the flow of blood from her nose.

"Hey!" exclaimed Fawkes, snapping back to attention. "Urine-haired chicken-legged human! Ha!"

"Shit-breathing ghoul-loving mutant freak!" as she bravely, or stupidly, stepped towards Fawkes and raised her rifle.

"Stop it! Shit!" and they both looked at him sheepishly. He leaned against the wall and gasped for air, then punched the button on the adjacent intercom. "Dr. Li," another fit of panting, "we made it. We're in the control room."

"Great! Hang on-" there was a crackle and a muffled shout on the other end of the line. "Okay, still there?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, well, listen. Project Purity has sustained severe damage, and is going to self-destruct!"

The Lone Wanderer looked at Lyons. "What do you mean damage?"

"Uh… I'm not sure. Vertibirds? Enclave? Super Mutants?"

"Hey!" Fawkes gargled voice cried out in protest.

"Well what do we do?" said Lyons.

"Well, I'm not sure, but I think it'd probably be a good idea to go in and boot up the purifier."

"Is it ready?"

"Maybe?"

"Then no."

"Why not?"

"Why would I go in there, into that room which is still irradiated out the ass from this kid's-" she glared at the Wanderer, "father, when we don't even know if it'll work? I'm too pretty to be a ghoul!"

"There's too much radiation for ghoulification, you'll probably just die vomiting up your blood."

"Hell no!" said the Wanderer.

"Look, you've got to. Your mother and father worked too hard on this project, it means too much to the Wasteland, too much to humanity. Do it for the Brotherhood. For the Vault-Dwellers. For-"

The intercom was silenced abruptly by a blow from Fawkes' super sledge. Lyons and the Wanderer looked at Fawkes, who shrugged, then back at each other.

"Come on. Save humanity."

"No, you do it! You're the Brotherhood's gung-ho mother fucker, go on. I'll tell your dad about it, you'll get a plaque or like, your name engraved on Liberty Prime's ankle."

"And you're the Vault's golden boy, all about saving the Wasteland and following in your father's footsteps. Get in there."

The Wanderer looked desperately at Fawkes. "We all have our own destinies, my friend, and yours culminates here."

"Ghoul-shit!"

The door at the foot of the steps opened. The trio spun in time to duck a green ray of plasma fire. Two Enclave soldiers stood on either side of none other than Colonel Autumn. The Wanderer fired blindly with his hunting rifle, removing one of the bodyguard's arms with a spray of gore that made a sickening splat against the wall behind him.

"Enough, enough!" said the Colonel. He holstered his own laser pistol and motioned for the soldiers to do the same. Lyons, the Wanderer, and Fawkes kept their weapons raised as Autumn strode casually toward them.

"Ah, the Vault Boy, the Brotherhood's star child, and a monster, here to save the Wastes and restore the Purifier." He laughed and gestured towards the door. "You see, children, the Enclave is still alive and well despite your attempts with that walking tin can you call Liberty Prime. We will take this installation at all costs, and you will die."

"You can have it."

The Colonel looked bewildered. He opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it again, then, "Really? Just like that?"

"Yeah, we don't want it anymore. Go nuts."

"You're betraying your beloved Brotherhood."

"The Enclave isn't so bad."

"You're right. So we can just.. have it?"

"Uh huh."

The Colonel smiled menacingly and took a step towards the bedraggled group. He only made it a step before the room was illuminated with the flash of rapid laser fire.

"Bad humans! No water for YOU! Ha HA!" Fawkes roared as he shook with the power of his favorite weapon. The Enclave soldiers behind Autumn were chewed to bits and the Colonel himself suddenly slumped to the floor, having parted company with his legs. Fawkes kept firing, again blowing chunks out of walls and bodies and the Purifier itself. He quickly ran out of energy cells and was left panting over the smoking barrel of his gun.

"You mutant fuck!" from the mangled but still alive Colonel lying before them.

"Sorry, our bad," said the Wanderer as he bent down to make eye contact with the man. "Do you still want the Purifier?"

"Why do you ask? I'd really like my legs back you hip-firing half-mutie asshole."

"Well, apparently it's 'sustained severe damage,' now even more so thanks to my friend Fawkes here," he pointed at the mutant, who bowed in response. "And if someone doesn't activate it, we all go ka-bloom."

"Really? That sucks. Why would I want to do it? That room's more irradiated than ghoul dick."

"Well, look. You're bleeding a lot. Your legs are gone. You're probably gonna die soon anyway. So I was thinking, I could open the door for you and you could crawl in there and do your business, you'll go down as a hero for the Enclave and we can go back to the Citadel."

"Hm. Well, I guess you're right. Why didn't you take care of it?"

"Why the hell would I want to die?" responded Lyons indignantly. "Go on, get in there."

The Wanderer flipped a switch on the panel beside him, raising the first airlock door. Even with the second one still sealed, his skin prickled and he felt the wave of radiation flooding over him. He watched as the pitiful Colonel crawled his way into the chamber. He waved goodbye as the first door closed and the second one opened, and Lyons responded with a casual flip of the bird. His mouth opened in an inaudible gasp as he made his way across the densely radiated room and pulled himself up to the control panel. The Wanderer banged on the glass and held up a series of fingers: two, one, six.

The Enclave officer punched in the buttons. There was a flash of blue light, the whirring noises grew louder, and he keeled over dead.

"Poor son of a bitch," remarked the Wanderer as he shook his head.

"Eh, serves him right. Mirelurk cake, anyone?"


End file.
